trying to stop dying

(I wrote this last night, but somehow it didn't post...)

1) I have an appointment with a new acupuncturist tomorrow.
He's not going to be able to fill my heart with happiness the way my old guy did... But maybe if my body hurts less my heart will hurt less too.

2) I started taking all my vitamins again - I know they're good for me and some of them help my mood a bit.

3) I'm finding one beautiful thing to notice every day... Not everyrhing in Oklahoma is ugly... Just most of it.

4) I'm working. I like working. For 8 or so hours every day I feel competent and busy and useful. Its a good thing I have work.

I guess that's it... It seems like I should be doing more... Obviously I'm not doing *enough* because I still feel like I'm dying. I might have to think of more. Energy (or the lack thereof) becomes a factor though).

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I went to acupuncture... but I didn't get any acupuncture. ARGH!! the guy is a chiropractor too and so he just did an adjustment on my knee... it helped some, but not as much as my old acupuncturist did... sucks.
He says if I don't get the relief I'm looking for after 2 or 3 visits he'll go ahead and poke me. I guess he must prefer doing the chiropractic to the acupuncture... I prefer to be stuck with needles. I think it helps kill some of the self-injury urges. (And to think - I've been abstaining from doing anything that would leave a mark for HIS benefit!! Stupid. But I don't think I can say to him "listen, I really need you to stick at least 20 needles into me so that I don't have to really hurt myself ok!!")